Un-Thanksgiving
It may be nontraditional, but I think it’s important to give some thought to “Un-Thanksgiving” – that is, to recognize that the human condition includes much that does not warrant gratitude. Take, for example, the significance of Thanksgiving itself. Any Native American, as a descendant of the remnant that survived America’s “Manifest Destiny,” could well have a feeling for the holiday quite different from that of the majority of Americans.
Feeling thankful for what we may regard as the benevolent disposition that God or life has toward us is understandable. But it is no less understandable for people to feel bitterness and resentment toward life or God when things go badly for them, especially when things go very badly. Yet however understandable, bitterness and resentment contract and diminish us.
Some people deal with life’s harsh realities by seeing them as details in God’s master plan or in an alternative benign Order in which every event is meant to be and really the best thing that could happen. But there’s a major limitation to this way of dealing with the greatest blows that life has to offer: it only works well for the major sufferings of other people. And the more other – that is, the less well we know the other person – the better it works.
If, for example, one’s own toddler is abducted and murdered, this is very different from hearing about such an event in the news. It seems to me that the idea that the murder of one’s own child was part and parcel of God’s master plan would provide solace to few of us.
Any thoughts on what sorts of things really do work to help put the worst things that can happen to us in a perspective that isn’t bitter or resentful? I think that for people who have experienced major hardship, this can be a difficult topic. So was forgiveness, which we looked at several months ago. Maybe there’s a relationship between the two subjects.
PS: Sorry to people who’ve invited me to comment on their posts in recent days. I’m dealing with a malfunctioning body, malfunctioning adaptive equipment and health aide difficulties. I’m backlogged on so many fronts that I can see that I won’t be able to catch up on visiting people’s posts.
Feeling thankful for what we may regard as the benevolent disposition that God or life has toward us is understandable. But it is no less understandable for people to feel bitterness and resentment toward life or God when things go badly for them, especially when things go very badly. Yet however understandable, bitterness and resentment contract and diminish us.
Some people deal with life’s harsh realities by seeing them as details in God’s master plan or in an alternative benign Order in which every event is meant to be and really the best thing that could happen. But there’s a major limitation to this way of dealing with the greatest blows that life has to offer: it only works well for the major sufferings of other people. And the more other – that is, the less well we know the other person – the better it works.
If, for example, one’s own toddler is abducted and murdered, this is very different from hearing about such an event in the news. It seems to me that the idea that the murder of one’s own child was part and parcel of God’s master plan would provide solace to few of us.
Any thoughts on what sorts of things really do work to help put the worst things that can happen to us in a perspective that isn’t bitter or resentful? I think that for people who have experienced major hardship, this can be a difficult topic. So was forgiveness, which we looked at several months ago. Maybe there’s a relationship between the two subjects.
PS: Sorry to people who’ve invited me to comment on their posts in recent days. I’m dealing with a malfunctioning body, malfunctioning adaptive equipment and health aide difficulties. I’m backlogged on so many fronts that I can see that I won’t be able to catch up on visiting people’s posts.
Posted by Paul at 9:18 PM Permalink
15 Comments:
What works for me is living on two levels--upper level being all my "normal" emotional reactions including anger, resentment, grief--
and underneath it, a very solid belief that the "setup" is part of a play for which we write our own script before we come to this life. (in collaboration with our associates who are fellow players!)
Why do we do this? For spiritual development, some of which can only be done by going through difficult experiences, including extreme ones.
This is not an original idea--I have found it written in many sources--and it seems to fit my own life. I felt from early on that if life was too easy, I was wasting time here, and it was time for a shake-up!
I also feel that dealing with emotional and physical pain in my life makes it possible to help other people deal with theirs, in my work. And that is a blessing I am grateful for.
There are some things which I can't and not ready to allow myself to convince that it is a part of god's plan.
I just can't find solace to the evils happening in the society by attributing it to god's master plan.
If God exists and if it is indeed his plan,then I find god as a sort of person deriving sadistic pleasure.
I also see many wonderful things around me and feel that there has to be a god who is kind and loving to show us such wonderful things.
May be god is bi-polar and a moody person!!
On the question of how to put things into perspective, I reason that there is always someone who is in a more dire situation than me and find some perspective.But this didn't work after some time.
Nowadays I think that everything that happens is just an input to our brain.It's just a moment in time where the brain experiences something.It is we who attach a good/bad sad/happy adjectives to the experience which we undergo.
This approach has helped me to put many things into perspective though not everything.
don't worry about returning comments, etc. i am sure a lot of us understand the limitations you're having.
Sometimes it is very difficult to understand God's world.
Thank you for writing and sharing this thought-provoking post.
I can tell you that I am grateful that I met you in this big Blogland, for your beautiful book "Original Faith".
Your book helps me to understand the world better and deeper.
Have a Happy, Blessed and Healthy Thanksgiving Holiday!
If we expect that "fairness" is the normal way life should be, then when it inevitably is unfair, we feel betrayed. Same thing when people are unfair to us.
I guess we have to "let go" of that expectation, because it makes it harder to forgive--not only those who treat us unfairly, but life when it does the same.
Bitterness is a bad thing because it corrodes us from inside, and does nothing to make things right.
God can not have a plan and give us free will at the same time. The two are incompatible. He's the rule maker, not the programmer.
I seem to have cycled 'round (appropriate, yes?) to the notion of reincarnation, and the idea that our own spirit decided that there were lessons to be learned from the difficult environment it chose.
If that is the case, Paul, it seems to me that you have passed your goals with flying colors this go-round!
This teaching offers not only solace, but courage.
I hope to review your book in about a month and a half. I wanted to do it earlier, but I've had a killer semester and I take book reviews seriously. But just for starters, it is a great book.
I totally agree with this post.
I haven't figured out how to put tragedies into a positive perspective. Sometimes bitterness and resentment seem like the most honest and mentally healthy response, although it makes other people uncomfortable. Maybe rationalizing bad things away is a survival mechinism but that doesn't make it intrinsically the best way to go.
I concur that the First Asians would have a much different view of the All American ThanksGETTING Celebration. The original Homeland Security failed miserably. Manifest Destiny is really just History being written by the conquerors. There is no great mystery.
Secondly, the fact that even children of the faithful are abducted and murdered should be enough proof that there isn't a benevolent entity protecting them..not to mention the 30,000 children over in those other countries who starve to death every day.
What would be the purpose of that?
Either the Creator cannot control the universe, refuses to, or the plan sucks.
Whether you believe in a happenstance God or the predestination version, neither would deserve your respect...unless life really is just a dress rehearsal..then it's OK.
I watched the trial of God in Auschwitz it was very moving and quite fascinating..but it came down to the same arguments.
Those who believed and had faith in the unknowable, unpredictable, and veangeful Caretaker had little use for evidentiary logic or empirical reason...they believed that whatever came their way was his will.
Faithalism.
That I have to be "a hell-fighter whie in hell." your words :)
Perhaps there is no more meaning to life than what we give it. Isn't that enough? Our emotional lives are so intertwined with our physical lives that we feel there MUST be a reason for feelings, for emotions. Perhaps they are just evolved survival mechanisms and our feelings are no more than additional ways to experience our lives. It takes the pressure off to think that we are no more and no less important than life itself. Why do we feel we ought only to experience the "good" stuff?
I put it on again after some spam and forgot to enter my email address to get the notifications when I got comments so that's why it took me so long to let them through.
This is kind of a non reply but hopefully I'll get back here to pick up on some of your thoughts.
For now, just to say that the quality and thoughtfulness of people's comments to my posts, as well as the range - really impressive.
Thanks -
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